A friend asked me the other day what kind of stuff I write about on this blog, and I wasn't really sure how to answer as most of it is pretty random. So I told him "I put society under the magnifying glass....and then light it on fire using the sun." While that probably isn't true, I thought it sounded pretty cool. But that's neither here nor there.

Today I'd like to take a minute to talk about what I call American Idolatry. America loves "reality tv." I mean really, really loves it. If it could, I think America would take reality tv behind the middle school and get it pregnant (The 2nd part of that joke was borrowed from 30 Rock, thanks Tina Fey). But seriously we're on American Idol 7, Big Brother 9, the 16th season of Survivor is in Micronesia. Micronesia? Where the hell is that? If you can point to Micronesia on a map, you need to get a hobby. Seriously.

Lets not forget Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, and Shot of Love. And we definetly can't leave out the Real World or Road Rules or Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Who wants to be a Millioniare? Do you reader? You probably could win that million if you are Smarter Than a 5th Grader. But really when it comes down to the Moment of Truth, will you make a Deal or No Deal? (see what I did there...pretty clever huh?)

I would bet my right arm (which I need for parallel parking) that if someone took a cross section of people from across the country tomorrow, more of them could tell you who got kicked off American Idol tonight (man I hope its that white kid with dreads) than the name of the NY Governor who resigned today. According to the Nielsen ratings, the Top 10 broadcast tv shows for the Week of March 3rd were:

1. American Idol Wed.
2. American Idol Tues
3. American Idol Thurs
4. 20/20
   
5. Moment of Truth
6. New Amsterdam
7. 60 Minutes
8. Lost
   
9. Oprah's Big Give
10. Extreme Makeover & Survivor: Micronesia

7/10 are Reality TV. Are you kidding? And yet we keep on watching them, and not just watching them but idolizing these people. We look up stats about them, find out their favorite foods, invite them to be godparents to our first born children. It is absurd how much people fall for the "stars" on these shows. It's American Idolatry I tell you.

And as for this reality business. It's not reality; in fact it's the furthest thing from it. Here in reality, the southern racist doesn't move into an apartment with the black guy from Brooklyn. (Seriously, I checked the want ads and nowhere did I see "Single,M, white/racist with room to let seeks Single, M, African American roommate.") That just doesn't happen, but it happens every season on Real World or Big Brother. And c'mon Flavor Flav is one of the ugliest individuals I've ever seen in my entire life, and this is the 3rd season where 20+ women have thrown themselves at him. That is not reality!

If America really wants reality TV, I propose we do it the right way and have Actual Reality TV. I think people would love it. Here's some ideas I've come up with that I think would make for great Actual Reality TV.

Who Wants to Race a Kenyan?
Each week 3 contestants will take on a Kenyan in the 100m, 400m, and 800m. If the contestant wins they win something cool like a car. If the Kenyan wins? He gets to eat.

Red Rover: Mexico
Brought to you live from the border, a line of Mexicans will face off against a line of highly trained United States Border Patrol. Contestants will then play Red Rover. Any Mexican who breaks the ranks of the Border Patrol gets to keep on running. This also has the potential for a spin-off: Find that Mexican.

Ultimate Tiger Fighting
Forget mixed martial arts, forget Brazilian Jujitsu. You want real hardcore action? Fighting a Siberian Tiger. Now that is hardcore. Let's see how tough you are now Chuck Lidell.

Accident Watch 24/7
This is a smash hit (no pun intended) waiting to happen. People love rubbernecking accidents, so why not rubberneck from the comfort of your own living room? It'll be a cross between ER and Nascar. Plus maybe it'll cut down traffic on I-495.

Rent or No Rent
Here we follow 5 college co-eds living in a house struggling to pay their tuition, their rent, and their car insurance. Each week we will see the lengths they go to in order to survive. At the end of the month ratings will be through the roof when we find out if they made it.

Those are just a few of my ideas for Actual Reality TV shows. Maybe I should pitch them to NBC or something, I don't know. But I do know that America is obsessed with reality TV and that American Idolatry is still going strong. Oh and that governor from NY is Eliot Spitzer...but I doubt anyone cares.

-Adam