Where are all the dead birds? Do you know? Does ANYONE know?

This question has been bothering me for some time. So much so, in fact, that I actually googled "Where are all the dead birds?" No dice. What I found was links to sites filled with people like me. People searching for something, anything to explain this disturbing phenomenon. I felt like Neo at the beginning of the Matrix.

I mean seriously, think about it, birds are like Chinese people...there's billions of them and I can't tell them apart. So where the hell are the dead ones? Sure you might see one dead on the highway, or eaten by the neighbor's cat or something like that, but what about the ones that just get old and die?

It was time to take my query to the experts. I called up the Maryland Wildlife and Heritage Service (WHS). This is what ensued:

Me: Hi, who would I speak to about a question regarding wildlife?
WHS: I can probably help you, whats your questions?
Me: Well, where do birds die? Why don't they just litter the streets? There are millions and millions of birds and at age 21, I've seen maybe five and those don't ever die of natural causes.
WHS: Well, they are in nature, they usually just get eaten or decompose?
Me: Okay, well what about cities? I've hardly ever seen a dead pigeon in NYC, how do you explain that?
WHS: Um...I guess people pick them up and put them in the garbage can.

At this point I realized these people were as clueless as I was. A New Yorker will trample a baby if it is in his/her way do you think they are going to stop and pick up a dead bird? HA! And if he expects me to believe someone has the job of collecting dead bird carcasses, he's got another thing coming.

No dead pigeons on the sidewalk, no dead seagulls on the beach, they can't possibly all fly into the woods to die. This leads me to two conclusions:

That somewhere, there is a mass grave site where birds go to die with all the other birds who have ever existed. (eagles, sparrows, bluejays, Larry etc.)

I know what you are thinking...and yes I agree that it is utterly bat-shit crazy. This is America, not Chechnya. Which brings me to my other, and what I now have come to believe is the correct, conclusion:

Birds are immortals. Like the Highlander. Except you don't need to cut off a bird's head with a ninja sword to kill it, you just need to be a really sturdy glass window, or a cat or something. But other than that...birds are immortal. It is the only thing that makes sense.

-Adam