There was a story out of Oklahoma that really stuck out in the news the other day that I don't know if many people caught wind of. Apparently, state Representative Sally Kern was recorded in a private meeting going off on a hate filled anti-gay tirade (guess which party she is?). According to CNN.com and Transworldnews.com, in the recording Kern goes on and on about how "the homosexual agenda is ruining our country." She even went so far as to say that homosexuals are a bigger threat to the United States than terrorists.

To me this is absurd, terrorists both domestic (read: Timothy McVeigh) and foreign (read: Osama bin Laden) have blown up buildings, killed thousands, and ruined countless lives. I'd say terrorists are a slightly bigger threat, even if you factor in the invention of house music.

I look at this issue and I don't see a case of who is the biggest threat to America, but who would make a better college roommate: a terrorist or a homosexual? It could even be a reality show. Mr. Claymores vs. Mr Clay Aiken CD? But until NBC picks up on this, I say we break it down and look at the individual advantages/disadvantages to each situation.

In terms of room decoration, the advantage clearly goes to Mr. Clay Aiken. Gay people are known for their sense of style, just look at Trading Spaces. Terrorists on the other hand? Well...they live in caves. If you're really high up, you might get a tent or a barrack, but for the most part we're not talking upper-echelon living. Robin Leech won't be dropping in on Osama anytime soon for a Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous. I'll take strobe lights on the mantle over an AK-47 anyday of the week.

On the other hand, I might tip my hat in favor of the terrorist when it comes to entertainment and technology. I mean, no offense to gays, but I think a terrorist is probably much dirtier at First Person Shooters like Halo 3, and most likely video games in general. If you can rig a bomb, you can handle XBox. Also, I think it would be fun to watch shows like 24, and pretend they were sporting events, each of us cheering for our respective side and taunting the other. And while I'm not a big fan of the sitar, it's gotta be better than Barbara Streisand.

If it were a laundry day, I would much rather borrow clothes from my homosexual roommate than my terrorist roommate (camo and bullets don't really bring out my eyes), but I would be way more comfortable accidentally walking in on my terrorist roommate with his significant other in the bedroom. (Who knows, I might even get to see her ankles). In terms of food, terrorists don't stand a chance: i hate curry. Also, I happen to find Frappucinos more enjoyable than the blood of infidels.

So really, I'd say its a toss up. To get the best college experience, your best bet is to probably try and a get a triple and live with a terrorist and a homosexual. Or if you are really adventurous, you can go for the quad and add in a Von Dutchmaster. But whatever you choose, I will say that members of Congress and the House of Representatives have much more important, pressing issues to be dealing with than gay bashing...like investigating Roger Clemens.

-Adam

PS I tried parallel parking using only my left arm the other day, and it actually was kind of challenging. Just thought you'd like to know.