It all started at US Customs. (Hell of a first line eh? I think of it as my own "The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.") But anyways, that's where it started, US Customs. We were coming back from Spring Break, and my good friend declared that after weeks and weeks of hitting the gym and cutting out fast food in an attempt to be at our most Sven Carlson, we should reward ourselves with a feast.

Now my friend that started all this, he weighs about a buck fifty sopping wet, but he claimed he wanted to hit Shane's Rib Shack (which is amazing and if any of you visit, be sure to remind me to take you there), Chic-Fil-A, Arby's, McDonalds, Burger King and Cold Stone, and eat at all of them. Being mature 21 and 22 year olds, my other roommates and I agreed to go on this fast food tour de force solely to watch him fail and vomit everywhere. Like I said mature. And while the epic journey that ensued could be its own post, this post specifically focuses on the Burger King aspect.

By the time we got to Burger King, we were basically in food comas. I mean, really stuffed to the rafters. None of us wanted to eat another burger, but we didn't want to cop out either. So I suggested asking Burger King if they would blend a burger into a delicious hamburger smoothie that would be easier to take down. After all, the Burger King motto is "Have it Your Way," and at that moment, my way, was blended. So here's what happened at the drive-thru:

BK: Welcome to Burger King, can I take your order?
Me: Um yes, can you tell me what kind of sauce is on the Sourdough Bacon Cheeseburger?
BK: It doesn't have any sauce on it.
Me: Hmm okay, well can I have that blended into a drink?
BK: Blended?
Me: Yup, blended. I wanna "have it my way."
BK: We can't do that.
Me: But what about "have it your way?!" My way is blended!
BK: We try, we try.

At this point, my roommates were rolling. I don't think I asked for anything that crazy personally. If your slogan is "Have it Your Way," then I think you should be prepared for all contingencies. If you know anything about me by now loyal readers, you know that Burger King's blatant disregard for their own slogan is something I can not, and will not stand for. So what did I do? I went back two days later to speak to the manager.

BK Employee: Can I help you?
Me: Yes I was wondering if I could speak to a manager? I have a question about the menu.
BK Employee: Sure, 1 second. (goes to get her)
Manager: Hi, can I help you?
Me: I hope so. I'm a marketing major at the University of Maryland, and in one of my marketing classes, BMGT454, we're looking at slogans and how they come into play. As an assignment we had to pick a slogan and then go out into the community to see if it actually has any effect on the actual business. So I picked "Have it Your Way." (note to reader: that was all bullshit, I just wanted to ask her questions) I was wondering to what extent I can actually have it my way?
Manager: Have it your way means have it your way.
Me: So, say I wanted no lettuce on my burger, could I have that?
Manager: Of course.
Me: Okay, well let's say I wanted no lettuce but instead of lettuce I wanted chicken tenders on my burger, can I have that?
Manager: No.
Me: Even if that's my way?
Manager: No you can not substitute lettuce for chicken tenders.
Me: Well, what if I paid for chicken tenders and the burger, would you put them on then?
Manager: You aren't allowed to add things onto the meal.
Me: Okay, fair enough. But let's say I get a Whopper Value meal and I am driving. I don't have a free hand to eat the burger, drive, and grab fries. Would you be willing to put the fries on the burger for me as they are part of the meal?
Manager: No, we couldn't do that. But you could get a Rodeo Bacon Cheeseburger because it comes with 3 onion rings on it.
Me: Well do you substitute onion rings for fries and fries for onion rings as a side dish?
Manager: Sure.
Me: So could I get a Rodeo Bacon Cheeseburger with fries on it?
(At this point she steps back from the counter and starts laughing)
Manager: Man, I don't know. No one has ever come through here with that question before!
Me: Well c'mon! You're manager on duty! What if someone comes in right now and wants a Rodeo Bacon Cheeseburger with fries on it because that's their way, what are you gonna tell them?
Manager: (thinking and laughing) Sure, why not. I guess so. I don't know.

So there you have it folks. You can have it your way, so long as your way is a Rodeo Bacon Cheeseburger with fries on it. A blended Sourdough Bacon Cheeseburger on the other hand, is totally out of the question. Even if its your way. And yes, I also think it is amazing that people actually take me seriously when I ask them crazy things like this and I have no idea how they don't know I'm not for real. But while I try to figure that out I might go grab a bite to eat at Burger King, where you can have it your way...sometimes.

-Adam