I planned on writing today's entry at Starbucks, as the internet in my apartment is on the fritz (some political nonsense about not paying the cable bill on time) but then I found out that I supposedly need to pay $10 to use their wireless hotspot and said screw that. So instead, I'm coming to you live from my girlfriend's apartment, and while she doesn't have Vanilla Mocha Venti Lattes, she does have a coffee machine (and a cute butt). However, my initial intent to go to Starbucks got me thinking about Fortune 's "2nd Most Admired Company of 2007," a company which I already can't stand.

Starbucks are everywhere, and I mean everywhere. I looked up zipcodes for Detroit, Michigan, one of the country's poorest cities and plugged it into Starbucks.com's Store Locator. Detroit has 12 Starbucks within a 1 mile radius in just one small area of Detroit. A similar sized area of Manhattan, New York has 35. Tyson's Corner Center, in McLean, VA has 3 Starbucks, and it is a shopping mall. And it isn't just here in America. I was recently in London, and Starbucks were as prevalent there as horrible teeth or pasty skin (and that means a LOT folks).

So I began to wonder, what if Starbucks, as a corporation decided to stage a revolution and overthrow the government. I mean, America has its sights set on Iraq, Afghanistan, and North Korea (Oh herro Kim Jong Il) the last thing it would be expecting is a military coup d'etat made by its favorite baristas. And to be honest, I don't think this kind of an attack is entirely unfeasible. With over 15,000 locations worldwide, most of which are in the US, Starbucks is in the perfect position to come out guns blazing and win. Starbucks has successfully infiltrated the United States of America.

Well to start a revolution you need followers right? Well people who work for Starbucks adore the company. After all, they do give medical benefits to part time employees who work more than 20 hours a week. And how many of us can't function without their daily fix of java? Alot. How many of us can't function without our daily fix of democracy? Enh, not so many. I think if Starbucks took over the airwaves right now and announced a revolution, you'd have soccer moms and Wall Street workers waving Uzi's outside the Capital. So they have the locations, they have the followers...but can they do it? Are they capable of stirring up the proverbial shit? (And i don't mean their over-roasted coffee even though that kinda fits the description too.)

Well, let's take a look at their logo. It looks to me like that woman is wearing a crown. A crown! And is it just me or does the look on her face say "You will all be my bitches one day." It is my belief that in the back storage room of every Starbucks in the country there is a green light mounted to the wall. Under that green light is a locker. Inside that locker? Extra stirrers and coffee lids. But in the locker next to that locker? Uzis, Ak-47s, Molotov Cocktails, you name it. And someday soon, that green light is going to flash, and it's gonna be "go time". Starbucks is just biding their time I tell you. But I am on to them. And now so are you reader. So spread the word, Starbucks: The New World Order is coming. It's only a matter of when.

-Adam