(This post goes out to my dogs in lockdown. Turn up my mic...)
Walking around campus today after class, I decided to observe the student population and see if I couldn't gain some inspiration, you know, stir up my muse. Well inspiration struck in the form of what I dub, the Von Dutchmaster.

Now the Von Dutchmaster is a special breed. They aren't your average every day "wigger," (think Jaime Kennedy in Malibu's Most Wanted) wearing du-rags and trying to look fly in their white t's. In fact Von Dutchmasters like to look down on wiggers, as being offensive and hurtful to their cause. The cause? Being down with black culture of course!

After all, everyone knows that wearing a fresh New Era 59Fifty (and you know its fresh because it still has the silver sticker), downloading the latest DJ Khaled (he's takin over ...but don't worry only one city at a time) remix from www.rapgodfathers.com, and having some black friends makes you an honorary brother. Doesn't it?

I mean, who cares if you're from Potomac, MD or Marlboro, NJ or Long Island, NY? Who cares that that for most of your formative years you were more likely to pop collars than bottles? And sure, you might even have once owned a Von Dutch trucker hat or Birkenstocks but so what? Von Dutchmasters will be the first to tell you that none of this matters because they aren't using black culture, they aren't mimicking it (like the dreaded wigger), but that it's also their culture. They understand the music and the lifestyle. But hey, who am I to judge? If I was, I would be just another whitey, holding them down.

So what did I do? I took my ponderings to the streets and asked two actual black people (gasp) their thoughts on the issue.

Interview One: Brandon
Me: What are your thoughts on white people who think they are down with, understand, or have even adopted black culture because they buy Dutchmasters, throw up the Roc, and listen to Jeezy?
Brandon: To each his own. Just keep it behind closed doors. Or, end up in the wrong hood and they'll be walking home butt naked, bruised up, wondering why their girl got a case of Stockholm Syndrome (where you fall for your captor during a kidnapping).
Me: Thanks for your time.
Brandon: Anytime.

Interview Two: Andre
Me: What are your thoughts on white people who think they are down with, understand, or have even adopted black culture because they buy Dutchmasters, throw up the Roc, and listen to Jeezy?
Dre: Psh, I think its funny man.
Me: Does smoking weed and having seen the behind the music on the Biggy/2Pac feud make you black?
Dre: What?
Me: Would you be any less likely to pop a cap in Whitey because he was wearing a 59Fifty?
Dre: Nope, not at all.
Me: Lastly, and perhaps most important of all...can white people drink Cognac?
Dre: Hahahahahaha

So there you have it folks. The streets have spoken: the Von Dutchmaster is no closer to black culture (or the hood for that matter) than the next white person despite what they may try to tell you. I hope the 2 roommates I may have offended by putting their lifestyles, ahem, "on blast," don't pull out their nines and bus' a cap in me. Chuch.

-A Money