What's with all the Asian hostility? I read a story on CNN.com about a 20 year old in Miami, Florida who was arrested after posting messages online threatening to go on a Virginia-Tech style massacre. Police searched Calin Chi Wong's home to find 13 firearms (4 of which were AK-47s), over 5,000 rounds of ammo, armor piercing bullets, seasons 1-4 of Dragonball Z on HD-DVD, and bulletproof vests.

Wong claims he wasn't really going to carry out the threat, he was just frustrated. Right. That might have been somewhat more believable if the kid didn't have 5,000 rounds sitting in his room. I mean, 1,000 rounds? Sure, I'll buy into frustration. But 5,000? Nope, he was down to start some shit. And as for all those guns, here's what Homestead Police Detective Antonio Aquino had to say:

"He says it's a lucrative business," Aquino said. "He said if Hillary Clinton wins, she'll put a ban on assault rifles, and these assault rifles will be worth more in value.

Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and cry bullshit on that one too. I don't think Jim Cramer is going to be suggesting I sell IBM anytime soon and invest in rocket launchers. But like I said, what's with all the Asian hostility? Think about it...Kim Jong Il, Virginia Tech, the angry guy at Shanghai Cafe that yells in the kitchen when I order Teryaki beef, this kid in Miami...where is this rage coming from? So I put some thought into it and have come up with, what I think, are 5 very probable causes:

1. Years of Theme Park Discrimination
It's got to be tough for Asian kids. There you are, all excited to go on that school trip to Great Adventure, only to get there, wait in line for an hour to get on the latest roller-coaster, finally make it to the front of the line, and get shot down because you don't meet the height requirement. A day spent in the kiddie park while all your friends are riding Nitro is enough to send anyone over the edge.

2. Inability to Grow Facial Hair
Remember how embarassing that "peach fuzz" stage was back in 7th grade? Probably not your best look. Now imagine if you had that look going for the next 60 years! Plus facial hair is seen as manly. If you can't grow any, I can see how you might want to up your manliness with a bandolier. The only Asian guys with facial hair I've ever seen are in movies. It's amazing what they can do with special effects these days.

3. Everyone's Got Gadgets These Days
It used to be that Asians had all the coolest gizmos: Tamagotchis, portable DVD players, MP3 players. Not anymore. (The otherday I saw a grandma with an iPod.) Asians have lost their niche. That's enough to make anyone cranky. What if black guys suddenly lost rap music and white women? I bet they'd be pissed off too.

4. The "Rumor"
You know the one I'm talking about. I'm not gonna spell it out for you. Let's just say that maybe Mr. Hung...isn't. (C'mon 5,000 rounds of ammo? That sure sounds like overcompensating to me).

5. Godzilla Attacks
Having to rebuild your city constantly can take a serious toll on someone. The people of New Orleans have been up in arms since 2005 about the rebuilding of their city. FEMA this! FEMA that! And they've only had to rebuild once! Think about how many times Asians have had to rebuild downtown Tokyo!

These certainly aren't the only reasons Asians are hostile, (for example, another reason they could be hostile, is because of this post!) but I think it's a good start. If you have additional reasons feel free to post them as comments. I'd love to hear em.

Sayonara,

-Adam