So today is April Fools Day. I'm sure some of you are wondering what pranks I will be pulling on people today, but my friends read this, so I can't post about them yet or they'll get the heads up. Sorry, you'll just have to wait till tomorrow. So instead, I figured that on April 1st, a day dedicated to fools, some of you might enjoy a little knowledge (To get you started, today's title is a quote from Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream.)

In my effort to enlighten, I scoured the Internet in an attempt to find what I think are 10 of the best April Fools Day stories ever, and to offer my take on them, so that you can bring them up in conversation around the water cooler (which you no doubt have emptied into buckets to be strategically placed above doorways).

Here they are, in no particular order:

#10: The Left Handed Whopper
In 1998, Burger King (those sons of bitches) took out a full page add in USA Today announcing a new menu item designed for the 32 million lefties in the world: The Left Handed Whopper. It claimed that all the ingredients were identical, but that the condiments were rotated 180 degrees to benefit lefties. Apparently thousands of customers went in to grab these new Whoppers, and people even asked for the "Righty Whopper." Personally, I think that this is just another instance of Burger King promising something and not delivering. Burger King is a bullshit company and I hope they go bankrupt. (See my earlier post: Have it Your Way (Well...Kinda) )

#9: The Taco Liberty Bell
In 1996, Taco Bell let out a press release that it had bought the Liberty Bell and was going to rename it the Taco Liberty Bell. People were outraged and thousands of calls were made in anger. Probably the best part about it was when White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale. Quick on his feet, he claimed that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold and would thereafter be known as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial. This event also marks the last time someone affiliated with the White House was quick witted.

#8: Releasing The Prisoners
In April 2000 Romanian newspaper Opinia announced that prisoners of the Baia Mare prison were going to be released. Obviously this news was of great excitement to all those family members and friends of prisoners housed in the prison. After reading the news, 60 people traveled all the way to the prison (probably by mule...after all its Romania) only to find out it was an April Fools prank. Although the paper eventually issued an apology, I think this is hysterical and shows a true sense of "balls to the wall" journalism that you rarely see here in America (or any other country with electricity for that matter).

#7: UFO Lands In London
On March 31st (wait for it.....wait for it) 1989, what appeared to be a flying saucer appeared over London. Hundreds of Londoners stopped where they were to watch the craft touch down. It did so in a field on the outskirts of the city. The police were called and told of the alien invasion. As officers arrived on the scene, one officer with his truncheon (British for "If this perp has a gun, I'm screwed") in hand approached the UFO. As he did, a silver man emerged causing the British policeman to turn and haul ass out of there. It turned out that the UFO was a hot air balloon designed by Richard Branson, the chairman of Virgin Records, who apparently is known for his love of hot air balloons and pranks (and virgins). The reason it happened on March 31st was because the wind blew him off course and he had to land a day early. I think it would've been much better if he did this in France. The french are pussies. They would have immediately handed over control of their country, and he could have dragged the joke out for days. This also proves that rich people can do whatever the hell they want. Just ask OJ.

#6: Mets Sign "Barefoot" Sid Finch
In 1985 Sports Illustrated ran a story about a new rookie pitcher, Sid Finch, who had signed with the Mets. The story was that this rookie pitcher was able to throw the ball 168mph. Apparently, Sid, who had never played pro ball in his life, had learned the "art of the pitch," in a Tibetan monastery under the tutelage of the great poet-saint Lama Milaraspa. Mets fans rejoiced at the news of their newest rookie and flooded Sports Illustrated with requests for more info. I love this story. Mainly because I hate Mets fans. The fact they even believed a human being could throw a ball that fast proves how dumb they all are. (note: said dumbness is also evidenced by the fact that they are Mets fans.)

#5: PhDs Exempt From China’s One-Child Policy
In 1993, China's China Youth Daily, announced on the front page that PhD holders were exempt from the state-imposed one child law. This was said to have been done in an effort to raise the intelligence level and one day curb the need to bring in foreign experts to help China solve its problems of modernization. The story was then picked up by two more papers, including one international news outlet, furthering its credibility. Obviously none of this was true, but I wonder how many Chinese PhD holders ran home from their labs and offices to get a little mid-day suke-suke only to be told the next day that they would have to either pay large fines or give up their newly impregnated wife's baby 9 months later. And who said Communists had no sense of humor? At least it put more kids on the market for Angelina.

#4: Daylight Savings Contest
In 1984, Illinois' paper the Eldorado Daily Journal, announced its Daylight Savings Time contest. The rules were simple, starting with the first day of DST, contestants had to save daylight and whoever saved the most won a prize. However, the rules were explicit that only pure daylight be saved, no dusk-light or dawn-light. Moonlight was probably grounds for disqualification. The contest received huge national coverage and the paper's editor was interviewed by CBS correspondents. This just goes to show what a load of crap Daylight Savings Time is. Had this gone in Indiana, the good people of Indiana would have roundhouse kicked the editor in the face. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, please read my earlier post Give Me Back My Stolen Hour.)

#3: Free Pearl Jam Concert
Boston radio station, WAAF 107.3 announced that Pearl Jam was having a free concert in New Hampshire. The thing was, the town they announced the concert in, doesn't exist. A gas station in New Hampshire later reported that dozens upon dozens of cars drove past that day, with many stopping in to ask for directions to the fictional town. This is awesome, because it's just funny. People will do anything for something free, especially a free concert. Think about the Simon & G-Funk (yeah, I said G-Funk) or Dave Matthews Band free concerts in Central Park, those drew thousands of fans from numerous states. This also reminds me of people who drive to Quahog, Rhode Island in an effort to see the town in Family Guy, which also makes me laugh, because that, too, doesn't exist.

#2: Corporate Tattoos
Back in 1994, NPR's (that's National Public Radio for you paper-only elitists) All Things Considered reported that major companies were sponsoring teenagers to get tattoos with the company's logos and in exchange for this walking advertisement space, would receive 10% off merchandise for life. Apparently, teenagers were said to be responding enthusiastically to this and running out to get tattoos. All I have to say is I feel bad for the avid sports enthusiasts who no doubt went out and got "DICK'S" tattooed all over themselves.

#1: Mandela Suffers Even More
British radio DJ Nic Tuff of Kix 96, went on the air in 1998, pretending to be British Prime Minister Tony Blair. On the air, he called up South African president Nelson Mandela for a little chat. It was only at the very end of the conversation, when Blair asked Mandela what he was doing for April Fools Day, that Mandela hung up. To be honest, I felt bad for the guy when I read this. He spends 27 years in prison for trying to bring peace and equality to South Africa, finally gets out, and then here come the English trying to jerk him around. G-d the English are dicks. I'm so glad we kicked their asses.

So there you have it readers. My own personal Top 10 April Fools day stories. Hopefully you enjoyed them as much as I did. At the very least, you can bring one up in class and kill 10 minutes of a boring lecture. Just don't go around being too certain everything is a joke today: just ask the 165 people in Hawaii and Alaska who died in 1946 because they thought the Aleutian Island earthquake Tsunami headed their way was an April Fools Prank. True story.

-Adam