Pulp Fiction is arguably my favorite movie of all time. The plot lines are great and the dialogue is even better. My favorite part though is the nonlinear way in which the story is told. So with that in mind, I'm gonna give this one, one of my more absurd stories from college, my best Tarantino.

"Shit, now what?" That's what I'm thinking. I'm sitting in my Accounting 1 teacher's office in Van Munching Hall. I've just told her that I missed the 2nd test of the semester due to a family emergency. I was out of town for the week, in Florida, for the death of my Great Uncle. Her response? "I'm sorry for your loss, but without the proper documentation I can't allow you to make up the test. It's University policy. Can your parents fax you documentation saying you were at a funeral?" "I'll call them and see," I say, knowing full well that my heartbreaking story is completely false. Like I said, "Shit, now what?"—

The University of Maryland Health Center only gives sick notes to students who need to miss more than 1 week of class due to illness. Anything less than 1 week and you have to print out a generic note from the Health Center's website and fill it out saying you were sick and on what date. The Catch 22 is that since this note is based on the "honor system" and is so easily obtained, most teachers refuse to accept it as valid documentation of an illness. If you happen to be sick and have a test the next day, you can either drag yourself in and take it, probably failing, or you can opt to lie and get creative. As I laid in my bed, with a 102 fever the night before my 2nd Accounting 1 test, I opted for the latter—

"B+." The grade is staring back at me. Not bad I think. Not bad at all. I would have failed if I'd taken the test with a 102 fever, of that much I'm certain. Actually, I thought I was gonna fail anyway after reading that one question. I wonder if I got it right? Not important. What is important is that she let me take the make-up exam and I got a B+. Sure, I'm a little upset at the lengths I had to go through to take this test, but its not my fault. Its her fault for not accepting the Health Center's online note. Its the University of Maryland's fault for not giving out notes at the Health Center to students who are sick—

I told her that I live in New Jersey, and that since the funeral was in Florida, my parents could get me documentation but that it would take a little while and that the best I could do at the moment was an obituary from the paper. She accepted it. The funny thing was that I was actually offended she had asked for documentation. Who does that? It was a death in the family! Well, a supposed death in the family. But she didn't know that! I was appalled. Whatever, at least she accepted it, and let me take the make-up. Plus the story entertained my friends for the next week or two—

"I'm going to hell." I say this to no one in particular as I sit at my desk clicking through obituaries. I still can't believe I'm doing this. I'm looking at yet another online newspaper. It might be Florida Today, or it might be the Charlotte-Sun Herald. It doesn't matter. All that matters is finding an elderly gentleman who died on a Wednesday and had a funeral on a Saturday. "Why did I have to go into so much detail with her?" Probably because I wanted her to buy my story. I could've just told her that I had a 102 fever and couldn't make it, but she wouldn't have accepted it without documentation (Unfortunately for me, the only documentation I can get is the generic note, which she doesn't accept, great system UMD has huh?). So I'm clicking, looking for an obituary, hoping that I'll find one who fits the story I told, one that can serve as the necessary documentation I need—

Hmm, what are they asking for on this question? It's something involving a credit or debit, of this much I'm certain. Just not sure what to put in which column. Maybe if I chew on my pencil a little more the answer will come to me... Nope, still got nothing. Time to guess. After all the nonsense I had to go through to take this damn make up exam wouldn't it be something I failed? The whole reason I didn't take the test in the first place was because I had a fever and would've been in no shape to take the test. I would've failed. Now I still might fail, and I'm going to hell—

-Adam