One of my roommates and I were trying to watch last week's episode of Lost tonight, so we were flipping through our DVR recordings (DVR is like TiVo for all of you fortunate enough to not have Comcast), and saw that someone had recorded Predator 2. I didn't even know the first one was good enough to merit a sequel. Here's how Comcast credited the film:

Danny Glover, Gary Busey (1990) ** Gory sequel involving a lethal alien with an appetite for L.A. drug dealers.

If that tagline didn't make you laugh, then you have absolutely no sense of humor. An appetite for L.A. drug dealers? Sounds like Anna Nicole Smith. No? Too soon? Oh well (10 to 1 says Samuel L. Jackson played the Predator).

Anyway, today I went to Philly for the day to see this exhibit I wanted to see at the Franklin Institute. It reminded me of the last time I was in the Fresh Prince's hometown, for ZBT's Fall Formal. Our formal was on Saturday, so Friday night a bunch of us and our dates went out to eat at Philly restaurant whiz, Stephen Starr's, newest creation: Pod. The place is awesome and I recommend it if you're ever in University City in Philly.

Apparently, my friends and I weren't the only ones who thought Pod was cool, as while we were there we saw none other than Dirk Diggler himself, Mr. Mark Wahlberg, eating no more than fifty feet away from us. Now, I don't know how much you know about Mr. Wahlberg, readers, so here's a quick bio on the man, the myth, the legend:

-By age 13, Wahlberg was a founding member of New Kids on the Block (he was also addicted to cocaine).
-At 16, he robbed a Vietnamese pharmacy while high on PCP, permanently blinding a man.
-At 21, he fractured the jaw of a neighbor in an unprovoked attack.
-He had a chart topping hit, "Good Vibrations" as white rapper Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch.
-He was an underwear model for Calvin Klein for a while.
-He has starred in numerous blockbusters including Boogie Nights, Three Kings, The Italian Job, Four Brothers, Shooter, and We Own The Night.
-He produces the hit HBO show Entourage, which is loosely based on his life in Hollywood.
-In his 1992 book Marky Mark, he states in the preface that "I wanna dedicate this book to my dick."
-He's made out on screen with both Jennifer Aniston and Heather Graham.
-Oh, and Mark Wahlberg is also a bitch.

All of the facts above are from Wikipedia except for that last one. That one was from me. And you know what? I hope Wahlberg reads it one day. See, when we saw Mark, my friends and I all got excited (no homo). All of the girls were freaking out because they thought he was gorgeous. All the guys were freaking out because Walhberg is the man, a true bad ass. I mean, he's the real Vinny Chase, or so we thought.

Instead of being typical fans walking over and interruping the man's meal, the guys and I decided it would be baller (or very cool, for you older readers) to send shots of Patron tequila over to his table for him and his buddies. Well, the waiter brought over the four shots of Patron, which aren't exactly cheap, only to have Wahlberg politely decline them (he did nod at us though).

Apparently, he had to be up early the next morning for a shoot in Philly and he doesn't drink the night before he has to be up early. Are you kidding me? The guy is the real life inspiration for the entire cast of Entourage, and he can't take one shot because he had to be up early? What a bitch! What happened to the guy who was knocking over pharmacies while cracked out?

I contemplated walking over there and slapping him in the face and saying "C'mon, C'mon, feel the vibration!" I thought it might bring back the old Mark Wahlberg long enough for me to take a shot with him. Then I realized that bitch or not, he's still jacked and could rip me in half, so I didn't do it. But I wanted to (and that's what counts, readers).

I mean, the guy is full of shit, folks. He's made me and thousands of other guys across America believe for years that he is the ultimate badass—the epitome of manly cool—he even made me want to enroll in Sniper school after I saw Shooter, and he wouldn't even take one free shot from a gracious fan. Like I said: Mark Wahlberg is a straight up bitch.

-Adam