The following question was posed by one of my roommates to the rest of the members of the Hartwick Thinktank.

"What would happen if I wanted to mail someone something, but didn't want to pay for a stamp? Could I just put a fake address for the recipient and make the return address the address for the person I actually wanted to send the item to? Would that work?"

My initial was reaction was to look him in the eye and tell him that his question was retarded and that his time could be spent on much more worthwhile endeavors at a major University like Maryland (things like napping or gaining me LoneWolf levels in Halo 3 come to mind). Then I remembered that I'm the kid who spent three days trying to find out where the hell dead birds go (to no avail! Thanks for nothing Maryland Wildlife Heritage Association. Bastards), and I bit my tongue, and gave his question some thought.

I mean, when I send out a letter incorrectly (which is pretty much every time), it winds up back at my door with a big 'ole "Return to Sender" stamped across the front. How do they know I was really the sender? All they are going on is the return address on the envelope, right? My friend's question had raised some interesting issues. Who cares about saving 35 cents! I could theoretically send a package the same way as long as it fits in a mailbox. Why pay twenty bucks for shipping and handling on grandma's birthday present? Just write granny's nursing home in the return address spot and conveniently "forget" to add stamps. Assuming this trick works, it should get there.

Someone brought up the fact that the post office probably wouldn't return something to the sender if it was far away, or in a different state; the argument being how would a letter with a return address of California have made it into the mailbox on the corner outside of my apartment in Maryland without postage? I say, who cares? Who the hell is the USPS to determine where I can send my letters from. I could be a Californian on vacation in Maryland, and choose to mail my stuff here. That doesn't change the fact that the return address is in California, does it? Nope. So I think you can probably use this method to send stuff all over the country.

I tried calling the United States Postal Service to verify this, but all their operators were busy (Busy?! Who the hell calls the Postal Service hotline for real? Mindblowing). Anyway, if any of you are bored on your lunch breaks, in between naps, or during lecture, feel free to call for me and tell me how it went. 1-800-ASK-USPS. I'm gonna keep calling though. Oh, and I tried to flag down a mailman who was driving down through our apartment parking lot. He almost ran me over. True story.

Sure, doing this probably constitutes mail fraud or something, and could very easily be a felony, but isn't that worth it to ingeniously screw over the government? I mean, if the US Government can trick us into supporting their bullshit wars, I think we should be able to trick the US Government into delivering our mail free of charge.

For the record, I tried putting a letter in the mail without a stamp. The return address was my friend's place across the hall. If this works it'll be huge. I'll let you know where the letter winds up.

-Adam