Well, it's official ladies and gentlemen—and hermaphrodites, because hey, statisitically speaking, there's at least one of you reading this blog—Barack Obama is officially the Democratic nominee for President of the United States. Word on the street (I always keep an ear to the streets...holla) is that Hilary Clinton is running for White House Chef because that's where women belong...in the kitchen! I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Hilary isn't even a woman! (I can already hear my phone ringing off the hook from my angry mother and girlfriend for that one).

Personally, I think it would be great if Hilary gets the nod for V.P., as it will severely reduce the chances of Obama being assassinated if he wins the election. Don't believe me? Just ask Dave Chappelle! I believe he said something along the lines of: I'd be the first black president, but I'd need a little insurance. That's why my Vice President would be Mexican. You can shoot me, but you're gonna open up the border. So why don't you leave me and Vice President Santiago to our own devices. (see 2000's Killing Them Softly). And for all intents and purposes, in the eyes of someone who would assassinate a man just because he's black, a woman and a Mexican are probably on par.

And I mean let's be realistic here folks, the guy is pretty much a shoe (read: Air Force One) in, his competition is fucking falling apart, literally—McCain is like a cross between Mr. Potato Head and Frankenstein's monster these days. Either way though, I honestly think it would be sweet if an African American won the election. Things would be different sure, but I think they'd be changed for the better.

For instance, instead of spending billions upon billions of dollars and sending teenagers young enough that even I would call them "kids" on three and four tours in Iraq, we could solve all of our military issues on the basketball court. One on One games between political leaders could solve all the world's problems. Sure, they would probably have to be best out of three, just to make it fair, but Obama has a wicked jump shot and I kinda like the USA's chances. "$4.10 for a gallon of gas you say? C'mon Mr. Ahmadinejad, first to 21 says we cut that down to $2.50."

And I'm no Alan Greenspan—hell, I'm not even a Richard Gill—but I think Obama can make a "change" and put some change back in the pockets of those affected by this recession. He might even be able to put a chicken in every pot—even if it is fried. So, in closing, I've said it before and I'll say it again, I love being a turtle! Wait, no, that wasn't me, let me do that over. Ahem.... I've said it before and I'll say it agian, I can't wait to see Obama get to stompin' in his Air Force Ones on Air Force One. Isn't that right Vice President Santiago? Si!

-Adam