(Comcast is officially the worst. Officially. They knocked out internet for my whole apartment complex for the week. This is the post from 6/6).

It's not often that I would go on the record saying that women have it easy. I feel like that's just asking for the proverbial shit to hit the fan. Every woman I know would go on and on about getting paid lower wages for comparable job performance, being objectified by the media, having to fight for their right to vote—not to mention party—and the fact that no matter how painful something may be, it will never equate to giving birth. And they're probably right, but luckily for me, I am great at compartmentalizing issues so as to win my arguments. So ladies, as far as I'm concerned you lot have it made. Why? When they go into public restrooms they don't have to face the "Odd Number of Urinals Scenario."

Don't get me wrong, urinals are great in fact, as far I'm concerned they are one of the top ten inventions of all time. If they made a urinal that could handle 'ole #2, you bet your sweet ass I would have a urinal in my house tomorrow. In fact, on more than one occasion in high school (high school for crying out loud), I walked into the bathroom to find that someone had seemingly tested the urinal's ability to handle the aformentioned #2, which it inevitably couldn't. While some might say this is gross or childish, I personally thought (and think to this day) that it is hysterical and would love to have seen the look on that brave student's face as someone walked in and caught him taking a dump in the urinal. But as usual, I've digressed.

So like I said, urinals are pretty great, but they can also be pretty problematic. Here's what I mean: twice in the last two days I have walked into a public restroom to find a man using the middle urinal in a set of three urinals. This is wholly unacceptable. What's worse is that in these two particular instances there was no "urinal wall" or "schlong viewing preventer" as it were. That left me with three very real options: saddle up to a urinal next to the guy using the middle one, wait and potentially piss in my pants—because at the age of 21, I still haven't mastered not holding it until the last minute—or roll the dice and throw caution to the wind and kick open a stall door (this is always dangerous and can be equated to Russian Roulette. Sure, the door might click open and all is fine, but more frequently, you open that door and it's like opening Pandora's box. I'd rather stare down a Basilisk than come face to face with some of the stuff I've seen in men's bathroom stalls). Where was I? Oh yeah, three options.

So what did I do? Every guys reading this right now knows what I did, because they've probably done the same exact thing on numerous occasions. I fucking waited. Obviously. But what I don't understand is, if there are three urinals to begin with, how in the name of American Standard did this guy come to use the middle onel. Logic would dictate that if I went into a public restroom with three urinals, I would take one of the end options, so that I would not put another male in the awkward, semi-homosexual, situation of urinating next to me. Then, the next person in the bathroom would undoubtedly use the other end option, leaving a comfortable spacing of one urinal between our exposed johnsons. A third person, upon entering the bathroom, would no doubt wait until one of these end spaces freed up for them. See? No middle urinal.

The only way for the middle urinal in a 3 urinal system to be put into use is if someone comes in and opts to a.) start off using the middle urinal, an option which is both sexually suspect and selfish; b.) come in and use the middle urinal next to someone who is using an end urinal, an option even more sexually suspect than the first and just weird; or c.) come into the restroom and use the middle option, peeing between two other guys, an option which blows through the realm of sexually suspect into the land of sexually defining (a.k.a. playing for the away team).

The fact that this happened not once, but twice to me in two days, is very alarming indeed, and I am wondering if fathers out there are teaching their sons about public restroom etiquette and war-gaming with them on how to handle the "Odd Number Of Urinals Scenario."

-Adam